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January 4, 2013
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And in addition...

Journal Entry: Fri Jan 4, 2013, 1:15 AM
First of all, thank you all for the kind and encouraging words. I really appreciate them and in spite of all they give me strenght to go on.

But what I said in my last journal wasn't the entire truth and now, my mom is angry to me because of that. Well, as she wishes, dammit!

The reason for all of this isn't just about drawing. It's true that she doesn't like to see her daughter drawing so much because "she doesn't have time to deal with school" but... I have to admit that it wasn't the main reason for this, umm, situation. I don't know if I even have to be sorry and honestly, it feels like I don't know anything at all anymore.

So, as I said, all this mess wasn't really about drawing this time, it's about my sexuality. It's difficult to even type that so you can't even imagine how hard it is to think about. But I hope that you all can can believe that it's really hard to think about anything at the moment, let alone try to draw something when it feels like your brains are blocked up. Because it is hard to realize that your own parents couldn't love you no matter what.

The day before yesterday we had a blow up fight about the subject and since that I've felt like I can't trust no-one at home (besides my wonderful little sister) or school. I mean, the one who tattled about my activity on the Internet to my mom was one of the few teachers I've considered nice. I know this isn't her fault but... ugh. Now it feels like this all spreads like a wildfire and the one and only guilty is me. My mom said that if I really am a lesbian, we have to move to another town because she couldn't deal with the shame I'm causing. Maybe she doesn't realize it but hearing that hurst so fucking much, even if I knew it all this time. I just didn't want to think about it and that's why all this is happening.

The problem is that I can't change who I am and, well, it's not so new kind of problem to me. Actually, the thought has been haunting me as long as I can remember. And by that, I mean something around third grade. In spite of all I was fool and began to believe my own hopes; that my parents would accept me as who I am, even though I knew it wouldn't ever happen. And this is why I am here. This is why it hurts so much now.

Call this rant or anything you can come up with. Frankly speaking, I don't even care anymore. I don't even know what to do, I'm just so fucking fed up with all of this. Right now I really don't know when I can upload something proper on deviantART again. It all depends on how the situation will develop and, unfortunately, I'm not a clairvoyant. At a time like this it would be awesome to be one tho.

Add a Comment:
 
:iconbaakis:
Baakis Featured By Owner Jan 18, 2013
Nyt vasta tää journal pisti silmääni : o Miten olen onnistunitkin skippaamaan tämän.

Mut hei, koita jaksaa. Tottakai se tuntuu pahalta että omat vanhemmat ei hyväksy lastaan sellaisena kuin tämä on. Mutta kyllä uskoisin että äitisikin leppyy tuosta sitten ajan kassa. Oli mullakin äitini kanssa vaikka mitä erimielisyyksiä aluksi kun suuntautumiseni tuli ilmija äidin äiti se vasta kohtauksen asiasta veti enkä ole kuulemma enää tämän lapsenlapsi. Tosin äitinikin on todennut että ei hän asioille mitään mahda ja hänen on pakko elää sen asian kanssa. Kuitenkin saa hänkin rakastaa sitä ihmistä jota haluaa niin on mullakin oikeus siihen. Luulempa että äitis otti tän asian hieman liian raskaasti ja nosti siitä liian suuren numeron :U Kyllä tämä varmasti ajan kanssa asian sulattaa ja kaikki muuttuu paremmaksi ' v '
Reply
:iconmelanch0lic-artist:
Melanch0lic-Artist Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
I can relate easily to your dilemma, but I can't really say I have a solution for this, either, Family problems can be so complicated!
The wisest thing to do is really watch how things will go from here. I wish you all the strength in the world! And never forget that, no matter what your mother may tell you, you have people that love you and want the best for you. Keep strong!
Reply
:iconevil-darkrai:
Evil-Darkrai Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013
Olen niin pahoillani sun puolesta ja musta on ihan hirveetä että sun vanhemmat ei hyväksy sitä mitä olet. Toivon todella että sun vanhemmat hyväksyisivät sut koska ethän sä sille mitään voi että oot lesbo eikä siinä edes ole mitään häpeämistä. Pidän ainakin sun puoltas tässä tilanteessa vaikken oikeastaan voi mitään tehdäkään
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:iconeamilia:
eamilia Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013
No voi persiis. Toivotan jaksamista koko sydämestäni, osaan samaistua vähän turhankin hyvin miltä tuntuu, kun vanhemmat ei arvosta tai kunnioita. Miten siinä muka pystyy arvostamaan takaisin? Omalla kohdalla äiti ei onneksi ollut ihan noin radikaali, ja on ajan kanssa osannut laajentaa näkökenttäänsä. Joka tapauksessa, toivottavasti sulla on ihmisiä joille voit puhua (mullekin voi vapaasti heittää viestiä jos haluut rantata, vaikkei me kovin hyvin tunnetakaan). Koita pärjätä!

HEI JENIN ÄITI, jos luet näitä kommentteja;
Eikö sun pitäisi olla nimenomaan lapsesi tukena? Kasvaminen ja oma seksuaalisuus ovat ihan tarpeeksi hämmentäviä ja vaikeita juttuja ilmankin vanhempien tukea. Mitä pahaa siinä on, että rakastaa toista ihmistä?
Homoseksuaalisuudessa ei ole mitään luonnotonta, ei mitään mitä pitäisi hävetä tai pelätä. Tässä sinulle vähän luettavaa näin alkuun: [link]
Reply
:icondog-san:
dog-san Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
i'd like to add on to the supporting comments here, i really hope things work out for you kiddo. sexuality is a really scary thing to talk about with parents, especially if you know beforehand that they look down on yours. i really hope your mom learns to understand it, and love and support you for who you are. just know that you're a wonderful person and you're very talented, you've got lots of people who look up to you! we're all rooting for you! i really hope you feel better soon ;w; hang in there.
Reply
:iconunessesarysunglasses:
UnessesarySunglasses Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
I'd ei koskaan haluta kuka tahansa jotta sisu jos kohta nyt kuluva. It's joten hölmö jotta arvostella ihmiset polveutua joka he lempiä ja mikä he ajaa. Yiu'd ei koskaan aiheuttaa shema jotta kuka tahansa. Kohtuullinen muistaa että. ;;;v;;;
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:iconkonveekou:
Konveekou Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Student General Artist
Well, I really can't say many things to cheer you up, since I know that the situation is VERY very diffucult. I am trying to feel how you feel...and the feeling is horrible. I may be just a random someone who just showed up right now to talk, but I am watching you for almost two years and I must admit that I read/see everything you do (stalker) even if I don't comment much X3. Well, I am not a bisexual, but I support EVERY kind of love. I have friends who are lesbians, gays etc. They're all amazing people. And you;re an awesome person too. Here in greece, we have a specific phrase that some of us use (well, the ones that doesn't really care about other people sexuality but they like them for who they really are) that it goes like that "I don't care what he/she does in bed" ..I really don't know how to translate it in english, but it says that I don't care what other people do with their sexual preferences. I just care to have good friends who are good people c: being a lesbian is NOT a shame... however, your mother can't understand that... a shame is to go around your town, wearing weirdo clothes and acting pretty weirdly I guess...you're not a show-off, nor you like to show to everyone that you're a lesbian (am I mistaken?) so why should they act like that? You don't deserve that :( Being "rejected" by your mother, and generally your familly, makes you block- that's a sure thing... because you don't know where to stand, talk etc..
So here is something you MUSt do, even if it is pretty difficult, but I am sure you can do it: Be proud of who you are, don't care about what other people say's about you. You're wonderful, and you have people who will support you, that's a sure thing. I hope this won't affect your relationship with Bern, that must not happen c: You're such a wonderful couple <3 stay loved <33 take your time to think and feel better... you know, after a storm, there's always a rainbow c: I hope you'll get back soon here:heart:
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:iconglowcrow:
Glowcrow Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Kaikkein sydäntäraastavinta on olla tilanteessa, kun oma(t) vanhempi/vanhemmat eivät edes yritä kunnioittaa omaa lastaan, vaikka eivät tästä kaikkea ymmärtäisikään. Olen törmännyt samanlaiseen tilanteeseen joka sinulla on nyt juuri käsillä monta kertaa, ja maailman urpoin asia on, että tällasta näkee vielä 2010-luvulla. Uskon ymmärtäväni edes jonkin verran niitä surun ja vihan ja suuttumuksen ja loukkaantumisen fiiliksiä, joita päässäsi saattaa pyöriä, enkä muuta voi sanoa kuin että yritä kestää. Vanhemmat, tässä tapauksessa vanhempi, on ainoa ihminen, jolle ala-ikäisenä ei yksinkertaisesti voi mitään. Et missään nimessä tuota kenellekään häpeää sen takia, että rakastat toista ihmistä, ja sellaisella syyllistäminen on hirvittävän törkeä teko. Myöskään se, että piirtäminen, josta nautit niin paljon, on turha keino syyllistää, sillä sinun kaltaisillasi lahjoilla pääset vielä ihan älyttömän pitkälle - jos vain itse sitä haluat. Voin vain hartaasti toivoa, että äitisi jonain päivänä sen ymmärtää.
- En voi astua kenkiisi ja taistella oman itsesi takia sun puolesta, joten toivon, että saat voimaa tästä kommentista ja siitä tiedosta, että on olemassa niin paljon ihmisiä jotka kannustaa sua olemaan juuri sellainen kuin olet, rakastamaan juuri niitä ihmisiä, joita rakastat ja tekemään juuri sitä, mistä pidät. Mä olen yksi niistä, ja lähetän sulle kaiken irti lähtevän henkisen energian, että jaksat kulkea päiväsi alusta loppuun ja taas uudestaan. Pidä huolta itsestäsi äläkä murru. Olet hieno ihminen, eikä kaltaistasi löydy toista. Pysy lujana, pysy vahvana, mutta älä katkeroidu vaan nosta leuka aina ylös. Kohtalo ehkä haluaa vain tarkistaa, että ansaitset saada sen kaiken upean hyvän, joka odottaa sua kulman takana. Ja sinähän ansaitset sen.
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:iconmacgreen:
MacGreen Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Filmographer
Voi ei!! En varmaan osaa sanoa mitään kovin hyvää ja kaunista nyt ekalla kertaa, mutta haluan sanoa kuitenkin jotain.
Vaikka en sinua tunne, niin vaikutat todella mukavalta ihmiseltä enkä halua ajatella että joudut kärsimään näistä asioista jotka ovat niin luonnollisia.
Tunnen fyysistä pahaa oloa lukiessani journaliasi siitä miten myöskin piirtäminen on ongelma. Helvetti, olen itse piirtänyt lapsesta asti ja tuhrannut koulussa vihot täyteen, feilannut
kouluelämässä ja silti päässyt opiskelemaansinne mihin olen aina halunnut. Ei piirtäminen saa sinua epäonnistumaan elämässäsi.
Vaikka et tulisi työksesi piirtämään niin se ei satuta ketään jos pidät sen harrastuksena. Se kyllä satuttaa jos lopetat. Sinulla on lahja piirtämiseen, lahja jota ei kaikilla ole.
Yhteiskunta ja sen paineet asettavat meidät muotteihin joissa pitäisi elää. Vitut muoteista jos vain pystyt elämään omana itsenäsi! Älä muutu, älä missään nimessä, sillä muuttuminen sellaisen takia joka ei sinua itsenäsi hyväksy ei muuta mitään. Itselleen ei saisi valehdella, sillä se ei saa sinua onnellisemmaksi eivätkä ongelmat kaikkoa, joten vaikka äidilläsi kestäisi asian hyväksyminen niin älä epäile itseäsi. Tämä on sellainen asia joka on jokaiselle tärkeä ja voin hyvin kuvitella kuinka asia voi toista ihmistä painaa, varsinkin jos sitä on pitänyt salaisuutena läheisiltään.
Minusta sinun tulee rakastaa juuri sitä ketä rakastat, sukupuoleen katsomatta. On ikävää kuulla että äitisi ei hyväksy tätä seikkaa, mutta toivon todella että hän näkee kokonaisuuden hetken
asiaa oikeasti mietittyään. Mitä jos häneltä evättäisiin mahdollisuus olla oma itsensä? Se on kuitenkin ihmiselle itselleen tärkein asia mitä elämä antaa: löytää oma itsensä ja oikeasti hyväksyä itsensä. Vaikka kuolinvuoteemme ääressä olisi muita suremassa, tulemme kuitenkin kuolemaan yksin, ja ollessamme yksin olemme ainoita ystäviämme jotka tunnet läpikotaisin.
Toivon tosiaankin että tämä tilanne rauhoittuu. :hug:
Reply
:icongrumpyinsomnicat:
GrumpyInsomnicat Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Filmographer
I really can't say anything that hasn't already been said here, but I really am sorry, Jen. No one deserves that kind of treatment- especially not from the two people that you're supposed to be able to rely on most. Whether you have their support or not, you have all of us here to back you up 100%. Stay strong, and never give up who you are.
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:iconlovingshai:
LovingShai Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
i hate it when poeple judge other people for their sexuality.
Reply
:iconunessesarysunglasses:
UnessesarySunglasses Featured By Owner Jan 8, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ugh , I-KIRJAIN osata aivan?! It's erittäin harmittaa. :/





(Translation: Ugh, I know right?! so annoying. :/)
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:iconlovingshai:
LovingShai Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
ikr
Reply
:iconunessesarysunglasses:
UnessesarySunglasses Featured By Owner Jan 10, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
yeah.
Reply
:iconrekurra:
Rekurra Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Älä anna äitis lannistaa sua tuon takia, ymmärrän että asiasta on vaikea puhua, mutta siun äidin pitäisi vaan ymmärtää että kaikki ihmiset eivät voi olla samanlaisia. Sydän kertoo sen rakkauden, ei sukupuoli. Onneksi siulla on Berneri ja tippakidutus sun tukena.
Miten äiti voi hävetä omaa lastaan? pitäisi olla onnellinen kun olet jo 4 vuotta ollut onnellisessa parisuhteessa!
Pysy sellaisena kuin olet äläkä lannistu äitisi puheesta, toivottavasti kaikki kääntyy parhain päin!
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:iconejaki:
Ejaki Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
En osaa sanoa tälläiseen muuta kuin, että toivottavasti tilanne paranee ja onnea...
En tajua miksi äitisi ei ymmärrä. Kuitenkaan en osaa sanoa tästä mitään kun en tiedä.
Mutta toivon kovasti, että asiat järjystyvät. Onhan sulla onneksi Bern, pikkusiskosi ja netissä ihmisiä tukena. :heart:
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:iconsillysinz:
SillySinz Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Dear Jen!
You are perfect just the way you are~Please never stop being you or else the Earth will cry and we'll probably all drown and possibly even put out the sun which would not be good but what do we care we all drowned.
Love you even though you don't know me~! :heart:

P.S. Never give up hope, cause jeez! Look at all this wonderfully supportive comments! All these people (including myself) are holding up their hands in case you fall off the stage, totally ready to give you the best crowd-surfing of your life so your all pumped and ready to get back on that there stage! And if you fall again, we'll still have our hands up cause we'll always be cheering for you! :heart: I know this comment probably sounds all silly but hopefully you can tell what i'm trying to say!lol
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:iconsillysinz:
SillySinz Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Dear Jen's Mom,
Please, stop being a bully to your own child. You don't want to be THAT mom. The mom that everyone talks crap about because of how horrible she makes her child feel. If you're thinking that you're helping her or thinking that this will change her possible lesbian-ness, you are horribly horribly wrong.
Now I'm sure you love her and I'm sure you would do anything for her, so much so that you'd even risk your very own life for her. If you love her, then that means you support her. That you accept her as everything that she is because you made her. You held her inside you for 9 months and raised her for what may feel like only a few years. Cause gosh they grow up fast..
You love your daughter. But right now, it sounds like shes thinking that you don't. And I know from experience that is a horrible and terrifying feeling to go through and i could never wish that feeling onto others.
Now I'm sure you have guessed that I'm no mom, and you're kind of right. I have no human children but I do have animal children, and I love them to death.
I'm also not gay. However, I do support gay rights because I strongly believe that love does not have boundaries.
Though I'm not gay, I do have someone in my life that is very close to me who is gay. My brother. He came out to me sometime early last year. Then just about a month ago he came out to our parents. Now my parents are Christians, my dad being more religious than my mom. However, when my brother came out to my parents, they accepted him. Just like they always have. They told him that they loved him and always will, and even though they don't completely accept the idea of gay relationships, they still accept him. My parents aren't so concerned with the fact that he likes men, but are concerned about the difficulties other people might give him. Difficulties like name calling or even physical abuse. They're also scared that he'll be treated as if he's a disgrace, inhuman almost; kinda like what you're doing to your daughter.
Don't let something like this ruin yours and your daughters relationship. It will never be worth it.

P.S. If you become upset about anything I said (or anything anyone here has posted), please don't get mad at Jen. Cause she didn't write our comments, she didn't tell us what to say. We, the fans of your extraordinarily talented daughter, thought of them and took the time to write them. If you ever wish to complain about what I or anyone else here said, don't be afraid to comment back to us. Only some of us bite. ;]
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:iconmelissas-randomness:
Melissas-randomness Featured By Owner Jan 5, 2013
Hello, Jen.
My name is Melissa, and I've been a silent watcher of your's for close to a year now.
I've also had some family problems, and I've learned something I'd like to share with you.

Family is a subjective turn, and many people believe that it refers to the people who you are born with.
But how can that be true with all the love and support you receive from friends? Just don't forget that to every one person who doesn't accept you, there are two who do.
Best wishes to you, and I do hope that everything will work out.
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:iconfalljoydelux:
Falljoydelux Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Why would ANY mother say that about their children?! "Move because of all the shame it's causing", my GOSH!! Agency, woman, ANGENCY!!! Shame shmame, your daughter chooses to be bi, it shouldn't cause the kind guilt it's causing. Here's a straight girl saying: You are beautiful just the way you are, and your actions should lead you to your happiness. If your parents don't like it, who cares?! Arranged marriage is a long dead practice! Don't let them get you down! You be who you are!
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:iconpuffleduck:
Puffleduck Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Digital Artist
Oh, what a damper on life!
I realize that we don't know each other, but I'm friends with =Berneri, and from what I've seen you're a sweet and talented girl who doesn't deserve these mean actions or words from anyone.
But, there's a reason for everything.
It seems to always get worse before it gets better, but it will turn out in the end.
Hold onto your hope and cling to your promises. Keep your chin up and a bright smile on your face to ward off anything bad.
I'm a sister to anyone in need, if you would like advice or just a positive Polly to talk to, I'll be glad to help you out :meow:
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:icondevii-chan:
Devii-chan Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm very sorry to hear this. Like, rediculously sorry. She's your mother, she shouldn't be like that towards you at all. I mean, if my mother reacted like that when I told her I was bi, I don't know what I'd have done.

I'm not very good at reassuring people and comforting people, sorry (that, and many of the others down here have said it already)... Just remember we all support you and love you, Jen. :hug: :heart:
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:iconxxharisadventurexx:
xXHarisAdventureXx Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
:hug: :hug:
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:icontrieheart:
Trieheart Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
Jen you are a beautiful person and would never bring any "shame" upon anyone. Who you love is your business and your partners. Your mum should be the one feeling the shame right now. How DARE she even complain about how you love? Would she like it if het mum ended up yelling at her because of who she loves? NO SHE WOULDN'T. :hug: Hun, many people here support you to the fullest and no matter what will always be here for you. Let your mum see these comments to show her how awful she is acting. This pain that you feel shouldn't exist. :huggle: It will be ok Jen, things will work out. Be who you are. Be brave.

Also! I bet if a handful of these people got to talk to your mum I bet her views would change. She may be a good person bit this act she is pulling is just awful. Why would you have to move town because your daughter likes girls? WHAT SHAME IS THAT MAY I ASK. I see NO shame in it. Some people are just narrow minded and need to be taught.

Sort if this seems mean towards your mum. This subject is touchy for me.
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:iconcocoasnowflakes:
CocoaSnowflakes Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
:iconsadhugplz: I'm really sorry to hear about that. I don't see why your mom thinks it's wrong to be lesbian. There's nothing wrong with it at all. It's a normal thing and a person's sexuality shouldn't matter. Just try to hang in there. Maybe things will get better one day! :hug:
Reply
:iconvitanibitzer:
VitaniBitzer Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
I'm pretty sure it won't change her mind but like she read your last journal, I hope she reads the all the comments supporting you. Argh, I'm tired of intolerant people!! I wish there was a way to make you feel better, or at least a little better than what you're feeling right now :huggle:
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:icontikanya:
TikaNya Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student General Artist
Wow, that's stupid of her. Why does it matter to her what gender you're interested in?
You seem like an amazing person, and that should be all that matters. Although it seems like it never is u n u
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:iconsadarac:
SADARAC Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
The only thing that matters to me is that you're a kind person. One day the kindness you show will return to you, although I can't say how.
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:iconlautaatturi:
Lautaatturi Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
Siis tuo äitis reaktioha on iha puhdasta psyykkistä väkivaltaa. :I Ei mitää tarvitse hyväksyä, jos ei vaan hyväksy, mutta toi on jo silkkaa toisen tietentahtoista nöyryyttämistä.
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:iconevil-bloody-angel:
evil-bloody-angel Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
Ehkä äitiäs pelottaa toi tai jotai,en tiedä.
Mutta todella törkeästi sanottu. :I
Itekkään en oo saanu sanottua että seukkaan tytön kanssa...pelottaa että käy jotain samantapasta.
Mutta voimia sinulle ! :iconrubcheeksplz:
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:icongenjoany:
GenJoany Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student General Artist
I really feel bad about how some people gets treated just because of their sexyality. it is absolutely absurd that your mom wants the whole family to move to another town because of (the shame) that SHE would feel. I mean what the heck! you can't just say that to your own daughter. :no: but at least people here on DA support you and so do I :aww:
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:iconhandyman360:
Handyman360 Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Artisan Crafter
Ya but sometimes that's the reality of the situation, you please everyone. Hell i know a guy who practically disowned his own son for dropping out of high school of all things. You cant give up or give in tho, just accept you for you and if you have a good outlook on yourself no one else's opinion matters. Just hang strong and i know things will work out.
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:icontatarhunter:
tatarhunter Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
Gl m8t hope it works out in the end.....
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:iconlhuin:
Lhuin Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student General Artist
Oon aika sanaton, ei helvetti :/ Toivottavasti tilanne rauhottuu! Loppujen lopuksi kyse on sun omasta elämästä ja henkilökohtaisesta asiasta, sun äidilläs ei pitäs olla siihen mitään valittamista vaikka se olisi eri mieltä. Mut kuulostaa aika lapselliselta miten se tohon suhtautuu.. Inhottavaa uhkailua :/ Se voisi omalla suhtautumisellaankin vaikuttaa siihen hirmuiseen "häpeään" mikä tosta muka aiheutuu : D
Mutta niin kuin sanoin, toivottavasti äitisi tottuu ajatukseen nopeasti ja rauhottuu! :C Eikä tosiaan ole sun syy yhtään mikään, pitää elää omaa elämää juuri niinkuin itse haluaa! Varsinkaan kun tommonen asia ei edes vahingoita ketään o__o
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:iconxxkiriflamexx:
xXKiriFlameXx Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Ah. I honestly don't see what's wrong with being a lesbian. I find it frustrating when you don't know why you're putting "shame" to the family just because you're a lesbian. >.<
People and their officialness. I despise most figures of authority. I hope that you'll feel better soon, though. Be strong and maybe you'll turn into a greater person than your mom.
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:iconwild-wolf-lilly:
Wild-Wolf-Lilly Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student General Artist
I'm really, really sorry... I hope that things start to look up for you, I really do. Like every one else is saying- be strong, and don't give up hope!
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:iconlillillema:
LilLillema Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
Mielestäni todella surullista. Miksei ihminen saisi olla oma itsensä, ja rakastaa sellaista ihmistä kenestä oikeasti välittää . Olen hyvin pahoillani puolestasi, ja toivon että tämä asia tästä selkenee, ja saisit tuntea itsesi enemmän hyväksytyksi perheessäsi. Sinulla on kuitenkin todella paljon tukijoukkoja jo pelkästään täällä dA:ssa, ja loistava pikkusisko sekä Berneri ja kaikki hyväksyvät sinut sellaisena kuin olet. ;u;
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:iconaavikkokulkija:
Aavikkokulkija Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
Olen todella pahoillani puolestasi, myös äitisikin puolesta. Äitisi ei selvästi ymmärrä tai ajattele puheitaan. Hän on vain turhautunut, ymmällään eikä tajua mitä sanoo. Koeta ymmärtää äitiäsi, hän on tässä se epäkypsempi osapuoli ja sinun pitää olla ymmärtävä aikuinen, valitettavasti... :/ Tiedän, että tilanne on ihan kamala, enkä osaa ollenkaan kuvitella miltä sinusta tuntuu, mutta elämänkokemuksesta tiedän, että vaikka sitä olisi millaisessa allikossa, kaikki muuttuu paremmaksi. Aikaa kuluu, elämä jatkuu... joku päivä sun äitis tulee vielä tottumaan tuohon ja rauhoittuu, mä lupaan!

Mä haluun vaan sanoo sulle että ihan hirveesti tsemppiä. Oot upee ja lahjakas tyyppi - älä anna minkään tällasen paskan lannistaa sua tai sitä mikä sä oot! Oo rohkeesti vaan oma ittes niinku tähänki asti äläkä anna äitis lytätä sua tai pakottaa mihinkään muottiin. Joissakin asioissa pitää ajatella vaan itteensä, ja tää on sellanen asia, missä pitää tehdä just niin.
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:iconmuteki-the-awesome:
Muteki-The-Awesome Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Artist
That's just really disappointing. It's kind of sad to hear that your mom doesn't accept your sexuality. I'm sorry about that.

Just to let you know, all of these people commenting on this journal, including me, accept you for who you are. I wish that I could give you a hug right now, you really seem to need it. I just hope that the situation improves for you.
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:iconrintarin:
RinTarin Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Traditional Artist
*huggles* That's not fair at all. I can't believe how insensitive she is. I wonder how she'd feel if the roles were reversed. I am also a lesbian. I can't ever tell my dad because I know I won't have a place to live and while my mom isn't being mean, her thoughts on it are very painful. My sister is my only ally. Even my real life friends don't like it. :C I am sorry that this is causing so much trouble. I know you don't know me, but if you ever need to talk, I'd be happy to listen. You seem like such a nice person and you have a great talent. Keep you head up, I know that's hard, but I believe in you. <3
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:icondogmatickerr:
DogmaticKerr Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Awww, you poor dear! :huggle: I'm sorry that your sexuality has to cause such scission between you and your mother/family and possibly even cause you so much trouble from the community at large, though I really hope that that is not the case! It can be pretty rough for people in the United States, as well, to come out depending on where they live... I really wish other countries were more wise than us, but I suppose that is another issue entirely.

I hope you know that many people here are going to keep on loving you and your work no matter what and perhaps even like you more because of it! You strike me as a particularly kind sort of person... so I'll be sending you well-wishes and love with the hope that you feel a little bit heartened!
:huggle:
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:icontheaskaram:
TheAskaram Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist Digital Artist
When I read this,I almost started to cry. I haven't told my parents that I'm bi too.Only my closet friends know it.When my entire school will find it out I'll be...The victim again. They all so hatefull against people with other sexuality! But I still have hope: My parents accept all kinds of sexuality.(But I haven't told them neither.)

The only thing I have to say to your situation is: Keep moving on! I know it's hard when the own parents hates one (I know what I'm talking about), and It's really sad.But just keep in mind,that someday everything will be better. I have many homosexuall friends and all their parents can't accept it.But they still live on. So I just wish the best for you!
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:iconmoirasars:
Moirasars Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Kirjoitan nyt omasta kokemuksesta, koska tiedän sen kautta saavani paremmin selitettyä pointtini. Ehkä. Toivottavasti. Pitkää tekstiä tulee, pahoittelen.

Äitisi sanat ovat varmasti satuttaneet ja tiedän itse hyvin, että millaista se on, kun ei oma perhe hyväksy sinua sellaisenaan kuin olet. Mutta tässä asiassa on nyt muistettava yksi asia. Äitisi on vain järkyttynyt siitä, että hänen tyttärensä on jotain, mikä vielä hänen aikakaudellaan oli tabumpaa kuin mitä se on nyt meidän aikakaudella. Oma äitini järkyttyi myös, nalkutti asiasta kokoajan ja kielsi minulta jopa kaikki tyttöpuoliset yövieraat (seriously, en saanut ottaa yhtäkään tyttöä luokseni yöksi tai sitten hän varmisteli, että onhan omat peitot jne, joka oli uskomattoman naurettavaa) vaikka olin jo ihan suhteessa - koko homma oli minusta aivan järjetöntä ja typerää, sillä osa ystävistäni oli heteroita, osa aseksuaaleja ja osa suhteessa, joten en ymmärtänyt laisinkaan äitini aivotoimintaa. Olin vihainen äidilleni ja ärsyynnyin joka kerta lisää, kun hän vihjaili, että kyllä minä itselleni miehen löydän ajan kanssa. Pysyin kuitenkin lujana ja haistatin vain pitkät hänelle ja pysyin suhteessani. Olen biseksuaali ja pidän miehistäkin, mutta tytöistä minulla on enemmän kokemusta seurustelun osalta. En puhunut asiasta hänelle, välttääkseni riitoja ja annoin vain olla.

Nyt vanhemmalla iällä ymmärrän paremmin hänen reaktiotansa, ja ymmärrän näin ollen äitisi reaktiota, mutta se ei tietenkään mitenkään hyvitä sitä, miten se sinua satuttaa. Ei tosiaankaan. Kuitenkin nyt äitini tuntuu hyväksyvän minut sellaisenaan kuin olen, mutta minusta tuntuu siltä, että koko homma johtuu eräästä toisesta perheeseeni liittyvästä asiasta, joka tuli pari vuotta sitten ilmi. Minusta oli naurettavaa miten äitini puhelimessa väitti, että hän on aina hyväksynyt minut sellaisenaan kuin olen. Kysyin, että mitä ne riidat ja nalkutukset sitten olivat kahden exäni kohdilla ja hän totesi vähän takellellen, että ne nyt olivat tulleet ihan seinän takaa. Pyörittelin vain silmiäni, mutta saanpahan nykyään olla juuri sen sukupuolen edustajan kanssa kuin haluan.

Sanonpa nyt siis vain kokemuksella, että äitisi tarvitsee aikaa. Koettakaa vältellä asiasta puhumista ja tappelemista, uskoisin sen helpottavan jollain tapaa. Anna aikaa hänelle niellä ja sulatella asiaa. Ja sinun ei tosiaankaan tarvitse mennä itseäsi muuttamaan yhtään millään tavalla muiden takia. Pysyt vain sellaisena kuin olet ja millaisena ystäväsi ja Berneri sinua rakastavat.

Tsemppiä ja voimia sinulle, Jen. Koeta kestää ja jaksaa odottaa sitä hetkeä, kun äitisi on hyväksynyt viimeinkin asian - aikaa se vie, mutta se on sen arvoista, usko pois. Tuntuu sen jälkeen siltä, että saisi hengittää vapaammin.
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:iconmoirasars:
Moirasars Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Niin ja pahoittelut jos kuulostan jotenkin viisastelevalta tai mitään :c
Sanon tämän vain siksi, että kyse ei ole siitä, etteikö äitisi rakastaisi sinua tai, että hän tekisi tälläistä ilkeyttään. Hän ei vain kykene vielä suoltamaan ajatusta siitä, että hänen lapsensa on homoseksuaali, mutta ajan kanssa se menee ohi. Jouduin itse piilottelemaan ensimmäistä suhdettani hyvin pitkään, mutta toisen suhteeni aikana päätin, että nyt riittää ja annoin vaan olla ja sanoin suoraan, että seurustelen tytön kanssa taas. En tietenkään provosoinut äitiäni paljoakaan (pussaillut hänen nähden tai mitään - enkä nyt sano, että sinä sellaista olisit tehnyt, eieieieieiei), paitsi silloin jos hän oli alkanut rähisemään asiasta enemmän ja halusin vähän näpäyttää häntä, näyttää, että asia on nyt näin eikä muuksi muutu. Joskus hän yritti kieltää minua näkemästä kumppaniani, mutta minähän menin häntä tapaamaan vaikka valkoisen valheen turvin.
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:iconkurtsi:
kurtsi Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
D: That's so unfair towards you. What the hell is wrong with parents in now days? Always freaking whining somehow their daughter or son to be different.

I'm sorry all what has happened to you, Jen. Wish that could help by anyway but it's hard if I live some other town in Finland. maybe I try draw something to cheer you up I really hope things turn alright again. Never lose hope. Tsemppiä!
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:iconbonbon-chan:
bonbon-chan Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
Hang in there girl. I know I'm a complete stranger to you, but as a fellow lady lover, I support you 100 percent. We always have a choice who we choose to concider or be our family.. it doesn't necessarily have to be blood. Your mom should take time to reflect on her importiance of the love of her daughter's happiness over reputation in a society that i'm sure is more open minded now in our generation then in her generation. My mother is very supportive of me and who I am. I'm poly.. so I love more then one (I stick with only 2 though.. not crazy to take on so many X_X ) .. and I do have a girlfriend and a boyfriend whom I love deeply. I can share my mom if you want! She's a pretty cool lady :) , little crazy at times.. but hey! she makes awesome pasta salad,... fyi, i'm a veryrandom person.

Love as thou wilt. She may change where you live, but she can't change who you are... which is being completely awesome.

It says in your deviant art, that you are 18 years old... is that not the legal age for being on your own? If it is, maybe it's time to move on. Hell, I'd support you with commissions (and with your amazing art, you'd be talented enough to live off of it) ! If Chloe.C ( Creator of Go Get a Roomie) can do it, so can you! ::Hug::

If your mom is reading this: You should be ashamed ma'am... you brought your daughter into this world with tolerance and love of who she is :a human being. And that is what she still is to this day, a human being. But not just any human being... your blood, your family. Her sexuality has no impact on you. It's as my mother once told me: "What you do behind closed doors Bonnie, is none of my business." And it's true. it really isn't. It's nobodies.. But Jen's. Her love and sexuality isn't hurting anyone. Love is kindness and acceptiance. Not ignorance and judgement. Quote the bible or whatever religious book you want... every book in the end says one thing: to treat others as how you'd like to be treated. And before you yell at her for "sins", take a good look in the mirror. For we have all sinned, one way or another... you know.. casting the first stone and all that.

Sincerely,

Bonnie Miller. Prince George , BC Canada.

PS. Jenia, feel free to message me on devart if you need. Or on Facebook Bonnie Lea Miller. Here is my e-mail as well : cannavivera@gmail.com aaand skype Bonnielea1. For any support ya need :) or just a random friend to talk to.
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:iconriikin:
Riikin Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
:( Yritin ymmärtää äitisi näkökantaa, mutta loppujen lopuksi se oli mahdotonta. On hirveää, ettet tunne oloasi hyväksytyksi perheesi parissa. Mutta onneksi tässä yhteisössä olet hyväksytty ja sinulla on upea pikkusisko (ja tietysti Berneri!) *hali*
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:iconcommonignorance:
CommonIgnorance Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013
awuh i wanna hug you, i'm sorry these fights keep on coming up. It's not fair to particularly you. Your mother has to accept that people will be different. and its not fair. I hope you feel better!
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:iconligax:
Ligax Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Filmographer
im sorry to hear that this problem was brought up again..
i know that you want to be happy and be yourself,unfortunately
its just that your mom won't be happy if you don't be "normal"in her eyes;
god know my mom would act the same way, if i became something she don't like and that scares me.
Then i realized that the only person that you need to worry about is yourself right now,never let anyone change who you are!

i may not know you but i had to move around so many times until i found my own place but its not easy out there,
she can't be your mother, if she allowed her child to go away for being herself but until society changes it can not be helped
your mom thinks she have some sort of status to up hold or something.
You have to be strong and don't giving to the pressure,and when you feel like your losing hope draw a picture and escape from all,
just so you can smile again=)

hugs!!
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:iconandrewwwwwww:
ANDREWwwwwww Featured By Owner Jan 4, 2013  Student Digital Artist
I read this and it's just really sad. At first I didn't even know what to say :c
You being yourself is such a brave thing to do, and there's nothing wrong with that, at all. I'm sure a lot of your watchers look up to you as a huge inspiration for that very reason. I definitely do.
It's only natural that you'd hope and expect your parents to love you no matter who you are. And with your own mother being homophobic, that must be a difficult thing to take on board D: she really doesn't have any right to react cruelly towards your sexuality to the point of driving you to this point where you feel guilt.

Just...man, reading what you wrote really stings. I'm just baffled by it and I can't even begin to imagine what you must be going through at the moment. Keep strong Jen, so many of us are all here to support you and we really do care about your wellbeing. Please don't hesitate to note me if you ever need someone to vent to.
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